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Wednesday, September 28, 2005 On a Yuffentine high~ And took down the bloody tagboard because it's full of spam. All the IP address are the same (all zeros), so I can't block the ads without blocking my readers as well. =/ Will install a new one soon. It might have something to do with the referal tracking code, so I'll have to switch to the statcounter I used for 3 o'clock teatime as well. Hm. Drama today. Felt a little silly. I don't like expression/sharing sessions, I'm always full of emo!shit. I hope by next Tuesday everyone forgets. It was "Code Red" anyway, and yeah, emotions schmotions. One guy said I was doing a "Julius Caesar" after class. Being aloof? I think he meant I looked dead bored and/or constipated. One can never tell. Also, I slur my words too often. *spaz* Went walking around Clementi central before that, bought red cloth and a white hoistery. I intend to butcher the hositery, which was originally for ballet, to make 'boot covers'. Let's hope the results aren't too awful. Need to get white cotton drill from Arab Street soon as well, along with ribbon. (Bias tape is crap. You need a sewing machine to used it productively; tacking bias by hand is a bitch and half because it frayfrayFRAYS all over the place and Alex BLEEDS. Trust me, I've done it before.) I possibly need white boots, or failing that, white pumps. Shit, am going to be so broke. Linali is going to have to be selfmade as well argh.
... she wrote at 01:07 a.m. Reading certain people's blogs irks me to no end. For example, you can blow .50 on a movie ticket (something which I only recalled you doing once in, oh, eight months) and you "don't have enough money" to replace a damaged paperback of mine? And said paperback is has been rotting in your house for six months? Being a miserly bastard does not equate to financial planning - but you're twenty and still living like a spoilt schoolgirl so I shouldn't really have expected more. I really should stop caring about idiots. Afterall, I have much better brains to pick, and reading about their pathetic attempts at socialising makes me torn between laughing and hurling. It's rather like watching a slow motion trainwreck - it's so ghastly and sickening, yet oddly riveting at the same time. 'Living well is the best revenge', but attaching yourself like wet limpet to group outings isn't exactly the most fetching way to go about reinventing your life. I suggest you put on your pretty black lolita dress and your hair ribbons and proclaim yourself self-actualized. That way, people might take you more seriously, when you've accepted your crowd-whoring tendencies with grace. ... she wrote at 11:35 a.m.Tuesday, September 20, 2005 OH GOD. Am such a SPAZ. Drama was today, not tomorrow. I missed it. *dies* Today, Rika came over and we watched FF:AC (she has the preordered DVD set, duuudddeeee) and I was like VINNY LIKE WOAH. And Reno. Reno is cute. Other than that, it was just a lot of fighting and no bloody plot. I'm both grateful and resentful because: i) They didn't wreck the game cannon. ii) There's no. Bloody. Storyline. Okay, Vincent made me squeal and paw the screen like a mad thing, and Yuffie's outfit is ghetto-fabulous and so skinny. I'm dying for Dirge of Cerberus, because zomg shooting game staring Vincent! <33 The scene with Marlene just killed me. Cloud is an angst!whore. Little emo bitch, guess what they've always loved you. *sigh* Ganked a whole bunch of strange and random videos off her, am off to watch now. Tomorrow, time to go shopping for black mounting board. ;_; ... she wrote at 10:07 p.m.Monday, September 19, 2005 Went out with Ziru today. When I woke up the weather was horrible - raining, with thunder. We cancelled the shoot and decided to just go out shopping instead. Just as well; the ZAFT uniform is a bitch to pack and carry around. Coat, trousers, boots, belt, wig. The rain let up before I left the house. Got lost at Suntec, eventually met up and went for a drink. Of course, when we actually went up to the Skygarden it was sunny. Absolutely blazing. And the fountain there is so pretty, it's as nice as the Esplanade roof garden. Obviously this is a Sign that my Shiho costume will never see the light of day. T_______T Walked to Bras Brasah, and poked at art-things. Ziru brought me to Basheer's (design, graphics and architecture bookstore) and ZOMG you could see the fangirl glow lighting up. That store is gorgeous. So many shiny BOOKS. I saw a fashion design book that was really useful (proportioning) and ZOMG PATTERN MAKING BOOKS. ;_; Why is all so expensiveeeee? I bought an illustration and design guide to brush up on theory. Mmm, special offers. XD Ran a couple more errands, ate lots and basically had fun just yakking and walking around. Oh, happy day~ <3 Super tired now, just flipping through my guide book and oogling materials. Tomorrow - drawing time! >_O ... she wrote at 08:31 p.m.Sunday, September 18, 2005 Have a new breakout just in time for the shoot tomorrow. Aieeee. Nevermind, the wig's bangs will hide them. T______T Talked to aniki earlier. =3 Told him about Vincent, Aileen and Jared. Little stories. Sometimes I think he's the only one who can keep up with me when I really talk. Ramble. Unhinge. As if swinging from one topic to another with breakneck speed and irrelevance wasn't bad enough, he has to correct my phonetics constantly as well. Most times I end up spelling out whatever I want to say, and have him pronounce it. Mm, oh well. Had an arguement about kohl lines. Vincent Valentine has delicious lower eyelashes. I could totally rape him on account of them. Aniki wasn't exactly happy that I repeated this at least twenty times. It's a bit sad that I've "lost contact" with so many people of late, but it's a given. I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me, something off-putting - they walk in, they dally a bit and then they're gone again. Willfulness on their part or not, I can't tell. Whatever happened to trading pleasantries? I can't even say hello without feeling like I need a pressing reason to justify talking to a friend. I suppose it all comes down to vested interest in the end. Not that I'm not guilty of that myself, no. We use and we are used. Then I think some more, and, oh to hell with it, I've still got all these other fantastic people in my life, and all of you who've stuck with me for years. Oh god, years, I can't believe it. It sounds so bloody mauldin. I count my blessings, all that. Life's not so bad, when you've got fond memories, and Vincent Valentine. =3 I love all of you, as Marian puts it, "shittingly tons". Also, I sound rather drunk, and will probably regret making this post tomorrow. But anyway - xoxooxxo ... she wrote at 11:05 p.m.Sunday, September 18, 2005 Spent most of today reading old fanfiction. Lots of it made me wibble horridly. Drained, rather. Listening to this song makes me think of Eiko and Vivi in "Go Not Gently". It's a duet; gorgeous, heartbreaking song. Poke me on MSN for it. try as he might he's unable to speak - One More Night, Stars ... she wrote at 10:09 p.m.Friday, September 16, 2005 Went out today with my classmates. Loads of fun. Bought a new pair of slippers (HJ will be very proud of me lol) and the Dandy Warhol's "Odditorium". Tripped out music to do homework to, ahaha. Took puri, looked at lots of pretty clothes. Joanne got an interview for her part time job on the same day she applied. X3 (Two hours after she left her name at the store... and we had to take a bus from Hereen back to Far East Plaza.) Broke in my new shoes and my feet huurrrrt but in a good way. Retail therapy is love! Shoot on Monday. Am productive, yes! Super tired now, will go listen to the Warhols and spaz. ... she wrote at 08:38 p.m.Wednesday, September 14, 2005 I hope you love her so much your insides break. I hope you cry, and smash things, and lie awake, thinking if you matter to her, thinking of what to say to her. I hope you cut yourself. I hope you carve her name into your sides. I hope you pray, I hope you dream and bleed and tear yourself into a thousand pieces, feel yourself sickening, and falling into confetti and bloodied skeins around her feet. I hope you love her until you're a whisper, love her until you're dry and empty and hollow, hollow as her eyes. Then, she will pick you up, and she will nail you to a noticeboard, fold you into an aeroplane. She will tell you: you're nice person, but she never fancied you. Why don't you two still be friends? ... she wrote at 11:56 p.m.Tuesday, September 13, 2005 Misread the timetable - IPC is on Thursday, not Wednesday. Means I have an "extra" day to study - hurrah. Went to the arcade today with my classmate, danced three rounds of Para 1st mix - I like 2nd mix better, but alas, there was none to be found. Arms all tingly after that - Freestyle Hard mode is really fun though. X3 Bought Suikoden 4 and came back only to realise the PS2 emulator doesn't support it. T______T Anyone has a PS2 I can borrow for a few weeks? I desperately want to play this game ahaha. Tonight - absolutely no studying. Am taking a break before my brain implodes. Aaaah Kannazuki no Miko priestess costumes are avaliable made-to-order now as well. Two bloody months ago - I'm apparently not as great a fangirl as I think I am. *ashamed* Now I have an idea how to make the sleeve patterns. >3 Exam stress does not a glowing Alex maketh. I swear I put on weight. My cheeks are ballooning ARGH! I've been snacking while I revise. >O< Water retention again. PIFFLE. ... she wrote at 09:13 p.m.Monday, September 12, 2005 Walked home in the rain. Nicely drenched - not too damp, just enough drizzle to wet my hair, but not my entire shirt. I'm going to get a cold. I'm so excited! Tomorrow there's Microbiology, hello, can you say absolutely buggered inside out? I need to wake up early to study tomorrow, because my brain is full of nothing but Veronica Mars right now. Mm, iPodnano. *convets* Toyed briefly with the idea of going out and getting myself a tailored suit. I could use it for so many things. Also, it would probably give Aurenn something to cheer about. I do so love blazers. Look, I could be Vincent Valentine; I already have the hair. The girls from Shuffle! are so adorable. Aaaah hip-length hair... *swoons* The male lead, however looks like he needs a better dye job and a new wardrobe co-ordinator - NEXT! Lists lists lists... - Linali Lee (exorcists' uniform)- Chikane (school uniform) - Millia Rage (black/red version) - Integra Hellsing (Protestant Knight version - trenchcoat + rapier) I can only pick two for this year. Old fandoms need love, but *shifty eyes* whymustLinalibesohot. ... she wrote at 09:30 p.m.Sunday, September 11, 2005 Tagged by Cherry again. You're the best, girl. XD *takes break from studying* List three random facts about yourself that your friends might not know. And then tag five other friends to do it. 1. My favourite skirt is an old-fashioned, dark brown tweed circle skirt, with a wrap-around waist and lined with satin. It comes down to my calves. When I wear it, I like to twirl around and pretend I'm the young mistress of the manor. (The price of love: 0 - my mother's hand me down, though.) I've never worn it out of the house. 2. I don't have ear piercings - I probably never will, because I'm too afraid of the pain. 3. I'm in love with a dead man - Lewis Carroll. XD I'm a huge Alice fan - the original and all its modern steampunk versions. I've read all the biographies of Charles Dodgeson (Carroll's real name) and I used to daydream about marrying him when I was younger. (Shut up! XP) Don't have 5 people to tag - feel free to do it! ... she wrote at 04:24 p.m.Saturday, September 10, 2005 Tagged by Cherry Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn. 1. I love tea! Especially milk tea, with lots of sugar and cream.2. My manga collection is larger than my collection of English novels. 3. I love admiring beautiful things. 4. Everytime I see someone with coloured eyes, I'm tempted to stick my fingers in and twirl it around, to see if the colours swirl. 5. I have perfect vision - but everyone thinks I'm wearing contacts! 6. I have a /thing/ for Gundam mobile suit figurines. 7. And for military trenchcoats. 8. My dream guy will look like T.M. Revolution, but with a less scary mouth. 9. I sing Alto 2 - yet I can hit all the high notes on Shangri-la. 10. My mother says I'll never get married, because I'm too bitchy. 11. I like to quote dead authors. 12. I love Tori Amos! 13. I'd gladly accept books for presents. 14. I'm very much in touch with my er, masculine side. 15. My hair is too thick and coarse to keep the smell of any shampoo or fragance in for long. I always smell like dustbunnies if you come too close. Dust and dying things, like she once said. 16. I hate being touched, but I like hugs. 17. All of my manga is violent, bloody, and mostly shounen. 18. My sekkirt love for animals stops at actually having to get close to one. 19. I share a room with my brother, but all the walls are covered with my posters. ^^; 20. I love gender-ambiguous and old-fashioned names. Lesley, Charles, Elliot, Theresa... I think Madison is an insanely cute name as well. All done! @ 12:06 I probably don't have enough people to tag, but, oh well. AurennZiru Aegis Sawah Christine Wendaaaayee Anyone from ze eljay lurking around here. ^o^ ... she wrote at 11:58 a.m. Friday, September 9, 2005 I've finished reading The Crimson Petal and the White - it's a bloody good book, though the ending was a bit abrupt. I couldn't think of a more appropriate one though, so yes. Michel Faber, yay! Shall try The Courage Consort next. Obviously, the fact that I've finished a 900+ page book and four episodes of Veronica Mars during this "study break", means I'm going to hell and taking my grades with me. Oddly, that doesn't bother me, not very much at all. Twinge of guilt, perhaps. There must have been a time when I really cared about doing well - mainly because everyone looked down on an IJ girl turned Newtowner. Ah! How the mighty have fallen etc. etc. Proving people wrong - just another sick way to justify As. I just don't see the point of getting so caught up in it anymore, or in any of this anymore. In other news, Maths was a bitch, and all I want to do is go out, get roaring drunk and fall asleep with someone else's jacket on. Think you can manage that, love? Maybe we can go take a nice long walk off a short pier together. Handkerchiefs around wrists in the end, what all. Of course I'll be studying this weekend. Really. ... she wrote at 11:39 p.m.Thursday, September 8, 2005 Tired, and in too much pain to study properly. I TOLD YOU TO MAKE ME A MAN, GOD. WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN. I would have been good. I'd have gone forth and multiplied, covered all the earth and subdued it, just like you said to. I love Veronica Mars. I think Kristen Bell looks better with short hair. <3 This also leads me to the sad conclusion that I need a haircut, and failing that, I'll just go hack it off myself, until Mother is so horrifed, she'll have to send me to a hairdresser to fix it. Mother is better now. Dad just came back from traveling, so she has someone satisfying to take out her existential rage on. Yes, other people emote their lives away, but my mother just chooses anger over angst. It makes you wonder where my violent tendencies are hidden - alright, they're there, but they seem to surface at the most inappropriate times. Like when I'm supposed to be studying for finals, and my brain decides to be a bitch and throw me a filmreel-style flashback. That's when I have to get up, break a few Gundam figurines, do breathing excercises, then get back to work. At this rate, I'm going to be throwing chairs at people during EOY. Which isn't anything new, really. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier living like my mother - all her anger at the surface, seething, ready to boil over, wearing her sociopathic tendencies like a badge of courage. Hurting other people before they can hurt you - the best defense is a good offense? Strike out, strike it down, step on it, until it's blackened and bleeding from the mouth and crying out- No matter who it is, no matter who they were, no matter how much you're supposed to care for them, or "love" them, it's always look out for number one. Nothing would get past your mocking, your physical blows, your cruel twists in a sentence, in a word. Nothing would get close enough to touch you, to get inside you, to make you cry, or laugh, or smile. Everyone's a stranger, and the only ones, you're certain, who love you, are yourself, and God. Your pain and your perfect, pristine, unconditional God are the only things that are real. Suffering draws us away from worldly cares, and closer to the Lord. Would it be easier like this? There's you, and you, and someone to love (isn't that what they always say - all you need is love? that good vibration?) and someone who, you're quite certain of, loves you utterly in return, loves you as much as you want Him to, loves you more than all the feeble emotions the ones around you can muster for your sake combined. Safe and warm in your head, watching someone else cry, when you know it would have been you, down on the floor, snivelling and stricken - does it give you a nice warm glow inside? ... she wrote at 02:17 p.m.Thursday, September 8, 2005 Tori Amos has all the best songs. so I ran fasterbut it caught me here yes my loyalties turned like my ankle in the seventh grade running after Billy running after the rain these precious things let them bleed let them wash away these precious things let them break their hold over me he said, "you're really an ugly girl but I like the way you play and I died but I thanked him can you believe that? sick, sick holding on to his picture dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys those christian boys so you can make me come that doesn't make you Jesus these precious things let them bleed let them wash away these precious things let them break their hold over me ... she wrote at 12:29 p.m. Saturday, September 3, 2005 Went out with aniki and SN today. Ate at this fantastic Japanese restuarant behind Cuppage. Finally had my cha soba! With tempura as well. *_* The sweet potato/pumpkin GWAAAAH They do really good, authentic food, with reasonable prices. Really large servings. V. impt k, must drag Aurenn down on her birthday, I think she'll like it. =D SN drives, omfg, that lucky bastard. Went to KKNM and watched aniki bother the shopkeeper. He bought the Speedgraph file I was eyeing. ._. Was too broke after lunch, haha. Then went over to play GGXX. Sat in the back, listened to oldies. The three of us were singing Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer - I love that song. Got trashed at GG, of course, but it was very fun to watch them play. SN (playing Jam): *combos* Dude. Just. XDD I <3 my older friends, even though they treat me like an idiot half the time. At least I can talk about "School Days" and not offend them horribly. Bus ride home was long and boring. Well, at least I've found a decent bus route to Upper Thomson so I can go visit Grandmother on my own one of these days. Tired. I need to start studying tomorrow for my finals. Sawah, I need a hug. ;_; ... she wrote at 10:49 p.m.Wednesday, August 31, 2005 Yesterday was staff and students day, so we got let off early. Went to K-Box and sang from 2-6 pm. OMFG so bloody high. After exhausting all the English songs I knew in their meager catalouge, proceeded to belt out Chinese pop/rock songs as best as I could. We ended up screaming ourselves hoarse in the end, anyway. Caught onto the tunes fast enough - but the words? XDD Dude. Anyway, very enjoyable; must learn more songs so I can sing properly the next time we go! After that, rushed back for drama, which is teh love, obviously. <3 Slow day today, ran a bunch of errands after school. Played Percussion Master at the arcade - fever beats! - haha cheap thrills. Mother forget to buy dinner back for me, so I ended up eating instant noodles. ._. She swears it is an honest mistake; she thought I had my CCA practice today and only realised on the bus back. She did, however, buy me two Emily the Strange t-shirts (original ones, eek, not the .90 cart variety - okay, am feeling very guilty now) on the basis of, "Well, I thought these would look cute on you. And I just realised you look good in black this morning, dear." Emily with her cat - hard to find those patterns. Mm, and nice cutting. I love my mummy, schizo-ness and all. She's a real sweetheart when she puts her mind to it. Addicted to Mayday's reprise of "Yan Wei Die" (Swallow-tailed Butterfly). It is better than [Akai] Chou, I swear. Tsukiko Amano, you lose. Music to toss around in bed to, haha. Emo!sweetness with an edge of despair and obsession. My favourite things. 你是火 你是风 你是织网的恶魔 You are fire; you are the wind; you are the demon who weaves a net Sunday, August 28, 2005 Am sick to my heart of GSD cosplay - Japanese ones, I mean. Hello, people, only so many times I can look at multiple Shinns and Reys before I start screaming. I mean, it was kind of cute around last year, when it was a bit of a challenge looking for druggie pilots, but every single site I visit now has GSD. And they're not even well done ones. AWTR%$#RFGHGQ!!!! *STABSTAB* STOP DOING THE SAME CHARACTERS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Okay, I saw a well done Lacus' 'pink float' dress, which made me slightly envious, until I realised, dude, you can't visit the restroom in something like that (can you even make it past the door, I wonder). *sigh* I'm sorry, Gundam, I don't think I love you anymore. Am reading DGrayman, per Aoi's recommendation. It's a cute series. Allen is <333!! I want to take him home and feed him. >o< Allen and Linali would make an adorable couple... too bad she's 5 years older than him. ;_; So many stupid tests next week - 4 in total. Better start studying for practicals. How am I supposed to get SN to work? I can't believe we're being tested on maths computer program applications. That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I've been faced with since I enrolled in NP. Everytime I have an "electronic test" I'm bound to fuck up, just like my CCT one. >O ... she wrote at 03:18 p.m.Friday, August 26, 2005 Bought Air Gear 4 - 6 today. Agito!!! <3333 Omg. He reminds me of ABA. Too cute! And his floppy straightjacket and slit eyes... *melts* Not caring is a wonderful feeling. I think I'm closer to it than ever before. How many times to you need to be kicked in the ribs before you learn how to roll? A lot of times, apparently. =3 The fabled seventh sense - the balance that gets you through life, after all the questions have burned themselves down to nothing in your mind - is the barricade on the edge of a drop cliff. But for the grace of God, go I. T.H. White would have been proud. ... she wrote at 03:14 p.m.Thursday, August 25, 2005 Sorry, guys, for being such a fucking bitch nowadays. I have a lot on my mind. I promise I will learn to shut up, and take my snark somewhere else. And stop doing stupid things, like pissing off people unwittingly. ie. Acting like a jock. Hn. I ought to get a lobotomy. We all should; it would make the world a much better place. Don't sing, Alex. Whatever you do, just don't sing. *headdesk* Mother is being a schizo. Poor Mummy. Father is being an unreasonable fuck, again, and they quarelled about the ironing, of all things. He won't let her send his business clothes to be pressed at the drycleaners when he travels. WTF. Mother has been ironing his traveling clothes for eight fucking years and she hasn't complained ever. Her neck is acting up again - I think it's the weather. I think she scared him quite badly. Mother can be a violent woman when she's pushed into a corner. She tried to strangle him last night - it almost worked. I had to calm her down afterwards, and she said, on no unclear terms she had nothing left to lose - she's ready to hack him into pieces in his sleep, and hang for it. Mummy, you make me worry so much. ...Kanami makes me happy. Oh god, I really want the Kanami promo poster. It's so lovely and twisted. Bloody fantastic story - so glad Dan is back from Otakon. Now there'll be updates. Yay! Pretty artwork makes my hands twitchy. Today my MB lecturer walked about calling me "Ms Au Yong", which makes me both pleased and disturbed. Sawah and I drew on the whiteboard. She does such adorable stick figures. Like a person pointing a gun to your head, saying: "Love me. Now." Sawah, you are too funny. XD Both my parents are down with a 'flu. So irritating. If I fall sick now, my finals will be ruined. =/ Then again, I never gave them much cause for hope from the beginning, so I suppose it doesn't really matter. Tomorrow there is no CATS (YAY NO MORE FUCKING CATS) lesson and I only have to go back for tennis at eight. Which means I need to wake up at six. My partner texted me and told me she doesn't feel like going. Well, neither do I. =( But I don't like make-up lessons or pink-papered letters, so will I have to go anyway. I want a black leather belt! That fits! My studded belt is too loose - it can't hold up my jeans. I think I might have lost weight again. >_> Dear god, please make me flat, stomach included. V. impt, kthxplzbai. ... she wrote at 06:49 p.m. |
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