johnny boy : in the springtime of his voodoo

Thursday, July 7, 2005

Tomorrow is the CATS presentation... and my group members just requested the proposal from me today. Oh god. We are screwed, rather. Product sketches untouched. Erm.

My laptop shut itself off while I was charging just now. It went into power-saving mode, so I didn't think much of it when it made this "CLICK!" sound and powered down. I tried to boot it up again, but it didn't work. Oh my god. I'm scared half to death now PLEASE DON'T LET MY LAPTOP DIE ON ME. >.< Diediedie. Have to try again afterwards. Any computer savvy people who can help me out with this?

Forgot my labcoat for MB today. =.=; Am such a noodlebrain. Borrowed one from another lab. Bitchy TSOs, wouldn't lend me any. Third-year research students took pity on me and passed me an extra one. Went off early after class to return it. Sarah thought she saw my doppelganger when I stepped into the lift at the fifth floor (everyone was in the lift already - class is on the seventh). XD; Am really surprised anyone else knows what that is. Sawah is hawt0rz and she has a new salamander navel piercing. So brave. I would die if I had to pierce even my ears.

So many things to do, and so many places to be. If I could just lie down and not think anymore. Frenzied mental to-do-list-checking tires you more than the actual tasks.

My little brother is being such an emo!sob. He just ran from the room muttering "I dunno! Life is hell, lah!" in this serious, pained, disgruntled!teen way. ZOMG SO FUNNY. XDDD He's already 13 - sometimes I forget. XD I love my little brother. He's so amusing sometimes.

Cherry: Will get them done by Saturday. What time do you want to meet to collect them?

... she wrote at 07:11 p.m.

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Yesterday was the memorial service organized by the hospice. Mother let my younger brother light the candle. I don't know how to feel about that.

I miss her so much. I only wish I could go on ahead, and meet her sooner.

... she wrote at 06:38 p.m.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Why, every hair on your head has been counted, so there is no need to be afraid; you are worth more than hundreds of sparrows.

Dear God,

Why didn't you make me a boy instead? Why did you have to give me this body, these petty thoughts, these social expections?

If I were male, God, life would have been better. I wouldn't be an ornament. It would be fine to like video games, and not have perfect skin, or a 23-inch waist. I would be able to wear all the oversized shirts, long pants, and skate shoes I wanted without being ridiculed. I could wear my hair short. I wouldn't be teased for being a butch, a dyke, "unmarriagable" and laughed at. I could be flat, flat, damn it, and never have to worry about satchels catching, or gaping buttons or shirts riding up. I could wear my pants loose around my hipbones and not shrink-wrap myself, to look slim.

I wouldn't have to give up part of my name. I wouldn't have to worry about being on the losing end in every physical transaction. I wouldn't have to bleed. I wouldn't have to go on my knees and serve someone else, I wouldn't have to lift my hips and spread my knees apart and say, yes, God, I am only a part of rib-bone, and no better than dust.

It would have made them happier to have a boy than a girl. She would have been happier, with one less trial to follow through. He would have fufilled his duty and be accountable to his family. Everyone would have been been so much happier today, if you had just changed one chromosome. Is this some sort of a joke, God? To place hopes in a misshapen vessel?

I'm laughing, God, so hard that it hurts.

... she wrote at 04:07 p.m.

Sunday, July 3, 2005

My tablet stuffed up when I tried to continue inking my A.B.A picture. =( It was working fine this morning. Pressure sensitivity levels ALL GONE. It's like drawing with a mouse now, wtf. And so is the flip-end eraser function. The hell. I hate Photoshop. >_<

The best drink in the world: earl grey tea with vanilla ice-cream. I got high on that this afternoon, and proceeded to launch into a drawing frenzy. I have five A.B.A roughs now, haha, I love that girl. She is so freaking hot - one day I will cosplay her. Once I lose 10kg, get arm muscles, and pale at least five shades - LMAO.

No one to talk to on MSN... and I just got to the computer. Mff. Have otak, bread, and soup for dinner. And cranberry + apple bread for dessert. *stomach rumbles* Sugary bread~ XD~

Go Alex! Binge! Binge!

... she wrote at 07:34 p.m.

Saturday, July 2, 2005

'Chiong'ed 100+ comic strips today. Feeling rather woozy. Obviously did not study Microbiology. Er.

My art-ego just took another beating - looking at the gorgeous pose and colouring on this pic of Sasuke artwork, I promptly shrivelled up and died. So much for all the squee!love over GGXX improving my action poses. HAHA. Father scolded me today for not using the tablet he bought for me last year. Said I was wasting his money. Okay, am fickle bum, point noted. =/ He also went a bit crazy over the cost of my concession pass. Well.

Talked to aniki over the phone today... his friends are hilarious. Starwars fanbois and all.

[Not ad verbatim, but I try.]

Me: I didn't catch a /word/ of that.
*garbled background noises*
Aniki: He said he wants you to come down to Sunshine Plaza to talk to me. In person.
M: o.O Why? Should I?
A: Of course not. Shut up [insert fanboi name here.] /Because/. He wants to see how you look like. Duh.
M: How, er, desperate.
A: Because he /is/. He is /desperate/. And you're not even denying it. [...]
A: Anyway, don't bother calling me for the next week, because I'll be away in San Franciso, and you might end up getting me over long-distance, and my phone bill will kill me.
*background noises*
M: Am not that stupid, okay. What was that?
A: He says that I ought to pay the bills, because no amount of money can replace the pain you're going through. *deadpan* Yes, I know /you/ won't be in San Franciso. Shut up.
M: Well, he's not the one paying, is he?
A: Obviously, it doesn't matter to him, he's rich.
*background noise increases: call... away... just so you know... MY HANDPHONE NUMBER IS 9*******...*
A: SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT, SHE DOESN'T NEED YOUR HANDPHONE NUMBER.
M: *nearly asphyxiates laughing*

ANIKI WINNERZ.

... she wrote at 11:34 p.m.

Friday, July 1, 2005

I want to STAB THINGS.

Good night.

... she wrote at 11:35 p.m.

Friday, July 1, 2005

I wuv you too, Sawah. <3

Boys don't cry.

Alex is sick of being sad. She doesn't see what point it serves. She thinks all this energy would be a lot more productive channelled into anger instead.

Some people really have no timing. Like my parents. Always walking in at the start of my phone calls, and hovering around, eager to pick up the slightest hint of any "incriminating details". Tsk tsk, how blind you are, Mother. If I'd screwed around, you'd be the last to know. You always are. Not that I have any intention of doing so, but you always think the worst of your daughter, don't you? Don't I polish the floors hard enough? Don't I do the dishes well enough? Don't I cook, clean, dust, and wash religiously enough? Perhaps I load the washing machine in a way that displeases you. One will never truly know.

Sometimes I feel like I'm five and still throwing childish fits, and sometimes I feel very, very old. Today I walked around Queensway Shopping Centre and could not find a single item to convet. Sigh. I have my Cosfest prints ready though. I wonder if they'll sell. I'm rather paranoid.

Saw a table full of poly students after class playing Counterstrike, hooting, shouting lewd things, and generally having the time of their lives. Little boys and their war games. How I envy them. Played an hour of GGXX and kept slipping at the controls. Maybe this is a sign from god.

Hello, goodbye.

... she wrote at 09:14 p.m.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Pitas was down yesterday. Hn.

Went out with Hueijing for dinner today. It was super fun - talked crap for two hours straight. Haha. I miss walking around Clementi central. My legs hurt. =P A bit weird, visiting all the places we used to frequent. The prices of all the classics have gone up at Big Bookshop. =( I was thinking of getting something to read, but everything looked too expensive.

CATS class tomorrow, typed the report out on my laptop already. I think it's utterly pointless and rubbishrubbishrubbish but it's a means to an end, so.

I was rather pissy yesterday, but it's mostly okay now, cause I'm not going to let it break my flow~ Am full of bullshit, yes. Write that down. Which part of timeout does that little fuck not understand? How does one confuse two weeks with two days? I don't know. I was all good with Not Thinking, and, well.

Back to doing normal things, the best that I can.

... she wrote at 10:17 p.m.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Exams are coming soon, I keep messing up my practicals, I owe at least three people comissions/patches, I haven't studied, I haven't typed my 5-page report for Creative Thinking and Applied Skills, I give up on typing coherent things. I'm ODed on sinus medication, I'm binging, I'm falling asleep in classes, there's no one I dare to call, I want to hit my head on the wall until I wake up, I want to dig a hole and drag people in but it's not fair not right goddamn it all, so all I did was put on Tori Amos and cry for two hours last night, I want a hug, there are wants and there are needs and wants imply something you desire but do not require to survive (right? right?), and needs are something you cannot do without, I need to stop this now now NOW.

... she wrote at 09:03 p.m.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
Still a little piece of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer to me
Still I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer each day
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't want to scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know.

- Damien Rice, Cannonball

Everything. Just goddamn everything.

I don't know what to feel anymore.

... she wrote at 03:41 p.m.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Everything is just so bloody ridiculous.

I just fucking love physical contact. Just the thought of another person invading my personal space sends oodles of tingles down my fucking spine. I love strangers who jostle me in the public bus, the train, the wonderfully crowded shopping centres. I'm such a sucker for intimacy IN ALL ITS MESSY, FLUID-FILLED GLORY! YAY!

I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I COULD FUCKING CRY.

YAY FOR ALEX THE FRIGID BITCH.

... she wrote at 12:49 p.m.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Stole this quiz from Zio, who stole it off a bunch off other neat people. I hope it will give you the hours (45 minutes, to be exact) of mindless self-adoring amusement that it gave me.

a n g e r section.

do you have a quick temper?: I get irritated fairly quickly, but truly angry is a different thing.

what do you do when you're mad?: Day-to-day mad: Rant, write in capital letters all over my blog/journal/post-it pad. Really fucking pissed? I don't know, I've never come to that. Maybe I'd break something. Most probably I'll take it out on myself first.

what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: Didn't hold back on my vocabulary.

if you can take back time, would you have never done this?: I wouldn't take a single thing I said back. In fact, I would run it through spell-checker, get a beta-reader, and do it again!

ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: I could, if I tried, but I never saw the damn point.

ever physically hurt someone when you were mad?: I'm just a weak, pathetic girl. How could I hurt anyone physically? Haha.

do you curse when you're mad?: I curse ever single day. =3 So you've got to be more specific.

c r y i n g section.

when was the last time you really cried your heart out?: Ages ago. Maybe a year.

ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes. Gives you puffy eyes the next morning. Looks damn unglamorous, not worth it.

ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Ah, not face-to-face. Over the phone, yes.

ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes.

do you cry when you get an injury?: Usually, I just scream and swear.

do certain songs make you cry?: Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter.

can you make yourself cry?: No. Not unless you poked me hard. Then I would bite your hand off.

p a i n section.

what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through?: Living up to the fact that you've had nothing to show for all the years you've spent on this plane of existence, and the fact that one day, everyone has to go.

what's the worst thing you've done to yourself?: Cried myself to sleep. FUCKING UGLY EYE BAGS JESUS.

what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else?: Threaten someone? I've thrown things, but I always aim to miss.

ever had a painful break up?: There was nothing to 'break up' in the first place.

what about the old 'pain for pleasure'?: I can't even stand having my ears pierced. Hello?

how depressed can you get?: Not very, I think. Um.

do you inflict pain on yourself?: I'm in constant pain. Masochists should be inflicted with chronic neck problems, then we'll see how much they like it then.

h a p p y section.

are you normally a happy person?: Rather. Sometimes I'm a genki monster.

what can make you happy?: Depending on my mood... I can tell myself that the bowl of ice-cream in front of me is the answer to all my problems. You could tell me you were going to throw yourself off a building for me at the wrong time, and I wouldn't give a damn. I'd say, put a sheet out - don't make people clean up your mess. I'd feel sorry afterwards, though.

do you wish you were happier?: Doesn't everyone?

what makes you the happiest?: No. More. Fucking. Expectations.

is being happy overrated?: When I'm truly happy, I'll let you know.

what about being with your friends, does that make you happy?: Intelligent conversation, tea, book recommendations, banter.

can music make you happy?: Music doesn't do a thing for me, except distract me from my writing.

l o v e section.

how many times have you had your heart broken?: Your heart can only be broken by people who have power over you. When the people you care about call you names and abuse you... they stop being people you care about.

do you still have feelings for any of your old significant others?: By feelings, I don't mean the warm and fuzzy ones...

have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them?: Yes. But they died first.

did you ever love a guy/girl, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' as a reply?: I didn't even get a thank you. What about it?

ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made you cry?: That isn't love. That's some twisted, one-sided adoration you've got there.

has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?: Yes.

ever stopped a relationship because they didn't say 'i love you'?: No.

h a t e section.

who do you actually hate?: Myself?

ever made a hit list?: Nope.

have you ever been on a hit list?: Take a number.

are you a mean bully?: I play nice.

do you hate any one that breaks your heart?: I believe living well is the best revenge.

do you hate George Bush?: A quote, ladies and gentlemen: "George W. says he reads the bible every day - he's fifty-seven years old. Finish the book." - Gregg Rogell.

s e l f - e s t e e m section.

is your self-esteem extremely low?: Used to be. Now, not as much.

do you believe in yourself?: Yeah, um, when it's appropriate.

when people say they think you are pretty, do you deny you are?: I'm a Chinese Singaporean girl. Pretty? WTF are you smoking?

are you happy with who you are?: I'd be in pieces if I wasn't, somewhat.

do you wish you can be someone else?: Not someone else, just some place else.

... she wrote at 11:37 p.m.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Recovering from the icky bout of 'flu. My voice is all cracked barbed-wire-splinters and just gross. Thankfully, my throat is relatively not-sore. So I just go around hrrumphing and making weird faces the whole day, and get an entire section of the public bus to myself. =3

Rather pleased, because I just found myself a new bag. After weeks of trawling various shopping malls to no avail, I went back to Jurong Point to get a vaguely decent Emily the Strange one I rather fancied. Turns out that stall had new merchandise (of the typical kooky pseudo-gothic persuasion), so I got myself a huge 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' bag instead. Aww! Jack is love. <3 It fits my general criteria: 1) black; 2) [p]leather; 3) massive. It's got a small, metal, diecast (?) Jack on the front and nice stitching. Original Disney tag helps too. Alex, the quality whore. Hey, it was either this or blowing my savings at HushHush. They had a coffin-bag, so EGL, haha. Maybe I'll get it next time.

AURENN. WOMAN. Call me and let me know when you're free!

... she wrote at 06:12 p.m.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Every one of them. Idiots. God, either open their eyes, or make me a lesbian dyke. That means on top.

If you'd stop insisting on being such a BIG STRONG STOIC MAN, and bottling all your PAIN and EXISTENTIAL ANGST, then perhaps less of this shit would happen. Talk more. Open your fucking mouth, and have something sensible and honest come out. I like to listen. However, if you want me to talk, then prepare to listen to all of my shit and deal with it, like I would yours. If you do, however, want to be such a GREAT ROCK TO WEATHER ALL then get your fucking life into order before you try to reorder mine. PICK A FUCKING STEREOTYPE AND STICK TO IT.

... she wrote at 09:57 p.m.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Down with the 'flu; not supposed to be on the computer, but who gives a damn, anyway.

Was a disgusting, achy wreck in school yesterday. Koi came to fetch me home. =X If not for him, don't think I could have lugged my laptop and stuff back home. Was violently and horribly sick at dinnertime, so Father brought me to the doctor. Proclaimed feverish and unfit for duty! YEAH!

Codine is my saviour.

So goddamn tired... can't believe I'm missing the busiest schoolday. Hahaha. ALEX, YOU LOSER. GET. A. FUCKING. LIFE.

*empties schoolbag out of window*

Tomorrow I'm supposed to meet Wendy after school. Yayyay. I hope I don't infect her or something. Nasty stuff, the 'flu is. *puts on Ed voice* Ba-ku-te-ri-ahhh~

Drew a Milia picture over the weekend. w00t w00t. Miss Rage is hawt, and I want to do her. In more ways than one, possibly. =3

Read Star Ocean: Till the End of Time manga volume 1. It's surprisingly good. Haha. Need to badger koi to buy book 2 soon.

... she wrote at 01:41 p.m.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Think I'm falling sick. Body aches. Sore throat. Bleeurrgh. ODing on vitamin C; hope I get better tomorrow.

Yesterday was koi's birthday. So fun! >3 Koi likes his present. Yay! Ate lots - tempura bento AND pasta (maybe that's why I'm sick HAHA). Learnt and practiced a whole bunch of new Milia moves. Yeah! Cheap thrills~ lol~

... she wrote at 06:59 p.m.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Playing GGXX is a great way to relieve stress. >3

Saw Esther-sempai on the bus to school today. XD Fwee!

So. Bloody. Tired. Fell asleep on the bus ride home. Got out of my seat and nearly fell over onto the person across the aisle. @.@; Double decker buses - urgh. How embarassing. Came home and napped for yonks. Am feeling slightly more alive now.

Tennis is great, but I'm really hopeless at it.

Played for GSD gasaphon today, and I GOT SHINN ASUKA! OMG! In his smexy pilot suit, no less. Hurhur. >DD I'd kick that!

... she wrote at 05:16 p.m.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Edit: Huiling, sorry about coming off as such a bitch about the dress codes. =X Haha. Hopefully one day we'll get the class together in the same colour - perhaps when the class t-shirts are done?

OMG I am SO BRILLIANT.

Remember the pirated copy of GGXX #Reload I got last December? It "hung" during the installation wizard start up so I gave up on it and tossed it aside. Today, out of sheer desperation I loaded the disc. I got distracted by some Milia combo videos and when I came back from watching them - lo and behold - the installation screen on my desktop!!! OMFG. It was just laggy! ARGH! ALL THOSE MONTHS I COULD HAVE PLAYED IT. *headdeskheaddesk* WARGH.

But anyway, it is now installed, and patched (for an English interface) and it is gorgeous. All I need now is to buy a joy-stick, since playing GGXX with a four-directional keypad is rather, er, stupid. But still! My own copy! X3333

OMG I AM THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD NOW!!! AM GOING TO CALL EVERYONE AND ASK IF THEY HAVE SPARE COMPUTER JOYSTICKS! IF YOU DO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I AM SO HIGH ON ABUSING CAPS LOCK! SQUEEE~!

... she wrote at 10:14 p.m.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Put retainers in place. Open mouth to say something, only to have it come out mangled and patheticly childish. Die quietly of shame. Do not pass "Go", do not collect $200. =(

Am getting slightly better at GGXX. I say, erm, at least one year, before I can play confidently at the arcade. For now, I'll just stick to whining about difficult joysticks and facepalming repeated in front of the machine. Well, played up to eight stages/opponents before I lost, so um, I guess it's a start? Aww.

Dinner soon. I'm hungry. Shelled prawns sitting in the sink, out of complete boredom earlier. Mother looked rather pleased about it, when she came back. Perhaps will be able to go out on Saturday.

... she wrote at 07:45 p.m.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Tomorrow's "colour code" is pink and blue. I would be bloody pissed being told what I can and cannot wear constantly, but somehow the schemes vaguely coincide with whatever I pick out in advance. =/ Shall have to wear freshly-washed clothes from the last laundry batch, instead of the older stuff in my closet, which makes me twitchy. I'm just neurotic that way - I need to rotate my clothes, because the sheer guilt of, say, wearing out the cotton-latex blend in my new shirts is consuming me. That, and I don't like wearing the same tops over and over. Haha. I also firmly refuse to wear my long-sleeve tops in this forsaken weather.

No energy to read my Time magazines lately (they arrive every Tuesday) - read the feature story and got distracted by the OMFG UNOCCUPIED COMPUTER. Does that mean I'm becoming some ADD teenager? Oh noes. =XX But I really hate SMSing (I always type too slowly...), and carrying a phone around is more obligation than choice for me. Occasionally, I get grumpy, because my phone has no camera (OMFGWTHBBQINJUSTICE!!11`ONE), bloody lousy user interface and WOE IS ME. Then I remember the digital jungle - scanner, microphone, cameras, external drive, speakers - taking over my precious drawing space (!!) and I'm thankful for one less piece of technology tying me down everywhere I go.

Suddenly craving a game of GGXX. I've only played it once, and forgot about it, until someone came along and said the magical words: RELOAD SLASH IS COMING OUT SOON. And I'm all: WAAARGH! MILLIA! Must train my hot ninja babe and kick prententious arse in male-dominated arcade arena! Mwahahaa! A sad, futile hope, obviously, because said persons have two years of gaming experience on me, and could pound me flat before you could say, "ROMAN CANCEL, WHAT?!" ;_;

Koi says he'll bring me to Bugis to play tomorrow, but I think I'll just end up humiliating myself. It is a Wednesday, granted, but ack secondary school holidays. >_> At most, I'll go dance Para.

My computer is crawling with spyware. Irritating, self-replicating/regenerating spyware. Bugger it all with a bloody sitar. >O

... she wrote at 10:11 p.m.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Koi came to fetch me after school. Ate onigiri on the bus. ^^;; Alex is not civic-minded, no, not at all.

Shinn Asuka rocks. Whatever he does, I'll still love him. *mwah* I love my hot, angsty, violent, ZAFT JAILBAIT POSTERBOY. Raawwwrr. GO SHINN! MAKE STELLAR PROUD! Of course Kira will *magically live*, so whoop-de-do. Yeah. Uh.

Test tomorrow, flipped through notes, a bit freaked at all the facts I've yet to commit to memory. Oookay.

I ought to start writing testimonials on Friendster for the nice people who've given me theirs. =(

... she wrote at 08:53 p.m.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Completely unproductive weekend, study-wise. I resolve to be a slacker until tests pick up. =P Well, I did do some assignments in advance last week, so *shrug* It evens out, I guess.

Coloured more of Bri's picture... am now left with the brick wall. XDD;; Oh god. Don't dare to touch it without finding good references first.

Yesterday was tiring, but oddly fun towards the end, thanks to everyone I meet~ Got to know a few people better. Haha. Yzak-kun~! Thanks, Cherry for your pretty Fllay costume~ >.< I promise not to quibble about not-so-happy things that day, but overall, it was a nice day out. =3

... she wrote at 08:54 p.m.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

I have retainers in. They make me talk funny. =( Shall be a lisping, grimacing idiot in school on Monday. Oh, joy.

So damn tired. Just remembered there's a Physio test on Tuesday. OH... SUGAR. FUDGE. ARGH. I'm trying to curse less, ~~I swear.~~ Honestly. Need to study tomorrow. ... Orange Macadamia Gelato.

Okay, Alex, NOT FUNNEH. *gets shot*

I've thought about it - someone can be special, but it doesn't mean that someone can be perfect at the same time. Funny, isn't it? As long as the positive traits outweigh the negative, a person is branded "good", but the negative aspects still remain regardless of the label.

^^ I shouldn't think so much. I heard it makes you grow older faster. Ick. XP

... she wrote at 11:51 p.m.

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Felt all out of sorts this morning, but May Aun cheered me up by lunch. Lol. Snuck bits and pieces of Lolita, managed to finish a quarter of the book so far. Oh god, my speed is going down.

Dad just came back from Europe, earlier than expected. He's supposed to be ill, but I can't see any sign of it, from the way he's been nagging at me since dinner until now. Complaining about the MISSING correction tape (a refill pack sitting next to the holder, which he was TOO DAMN LAZY TO LOAD) and bitching in this backhanded way when I declined his suggestion to load the Singnet broadband software on my laptop that "it's not for you anime". >O WTF.

My neck still hurts. I don't want to take painkillers.

Sports and Wellness tomorrow, and I have blisters on my feet. Oh dear.

... she wrote at 09:39 p.m.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Today was a strange day.

Met Charis and Lance for lunch. Michael, lazy bum that he is, refused to walk from his block to Canteen 1. (As if my block is damn near too, haha.) Vernon and Jonathan joined us, so it was like a mini secondary school gathering. XD Crazy, off-colour, and just like old times. I wished we were all in the same course, but at least we're in the same school, so we can all still meet and hang out.

Bought Vladimir Naokov's Lolita today. Excellent. Bugis Kino had a new shipment, for a movie tie-in. (Haven't heard about the movie in Singapore yet, though.) A whole fresh stack - so much better than the two battered copies I saw at Orchard Kino last month. >DD Time to start reading!

Went to Zinc to look at bags... found one I liked, but I have too many of the same size. Lol! Looking for something slightly smaller, but with the same amount of details (straps, buckles) and in leather. =X Maybe I'll try Far East Plaza next week. In the meantime I'm stuck with my shapeless black tote. ^^;

I'm black and blue all over
You're breaking my flow
How could you know what I'm saying about it
When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways
I don't like it

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy you're in love
'Cause every color
Goes where you do

I feel so powerless, I
I've got to stop it somehow
Oh come on what can I do
Why's it happening
How's it happening
Without me
Why's it happening
How's it happening that he feels it without me

- It's Good To Be In Love, Frou Frou

... she wrote at 11:04 p.m.

Monday, June 6, 2005

If you can see this, it means I am updating from school and MY FRICKKING WIRELESS CARD WORKS. HUZZAH!!!

Lots of gaming fans in my class. Tried striking up a conversation about Gundam figurine with one of them but it kinda fell flat. Er. Are there no other girls who build Gundam figurines too? =( Aww. I want the 1/100 Destroy. Stellar!! Gwaaahh...

Maths test later, aww. Better do some questions first. Ta.

... she wrote at 02:20 p.m.

Sunday, June 5, 2005

Had my braces removed yesterday. Yay! Still not used to the feel of braces-less teeth against my lip - it makes me twitchy. -_o;;

Drafting my Cosfest costume. Slow, quiet, mounting hysterics over the limited time frame to oh, sew a costume, embrioder decorations, make boot covers, construct a two-pronged lance and a bloody patterned shield to boot. *foams discreetly at the mouth* And prints to take orders for, and make before the actual date. *DIES*

My left eye keeps twitching and jumping. Okay, now who the fuck is gossiping about me? =.=;

... she wrote at 04:11 p.m.

Friday, June 3, 2005

Neil Gaiman is coming down in JULY not JUNE. Culled this from his blog:

Arrive Singapore July 3.
Events July 4-6.

Apologies to everyone I've freaked out saying OMGOMG HE'S COMING TOMORROW WHERE ARE THE DETAILS DIEDIEDIE

The Acer technician came to fix my labtop today. They replaced the wireless card on the spot and told me to get the school to configure it again. Hur.

Played tennis (my 'elective') for Sports and Wellness today. It's quite fun. Of course being the uncoordinated spaz I am, I spent more time chasing after the ball than doing the excercises with it, but, ah, yes.

My verbal skills are going down the drain - I'm mincing words worse than I did in JC. Stupid accents - Cantonese, English, Amercian. DECIDE WHEN YOU WANT TO EXERT YOURSELVES DAMMIT. I hate coming off like some prissy bitch in the middle of normal, Singlish-speaking people. >.> Makes me feel like a total fake. Of course, my acerbic wit fails me at the worse times - to dao, or not to dao, that is the question. =/

"A Feast for Crows" is scheduled to come out in September/October! YES!! *RUNS AROUND IN DIZZY CIRCLES* HELL YEAH! I will buy the hardcover, I swear, even if it kills my back carrying it home. (It's 1000+ pages.)

... she wrote at 02:43 p.m.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Sitting here, contemplating what to write.

I haven't draw anything in days. I'm so exhausted by school. I just realised Bri's drawing is only half done. I'm such a useless bugger, really.

I miss my koi. This is damn fucking sad. The first time in forever I miss someone. Heh.

"A cosmic itch." Well, that one way to put it. Sixteen years and I don't even know what I'm here for. Sometimes. Always.

I'm dressing up too often these days. It surprises and horrifies me at the same time. What happened to dowdy and practical old me? I want my inks and my books and my tea and my existential angst back.

I think I'm becoming normal. Oh dear.

... she wrote at 10:04 p.m.

Monday, May 30, 2005

My laptop's wireless card is screwed. Obviously, this is some sort of bad karma that trails every piece of computer equipment I use. I can connect to the wireless network in school, but it can't access webpages. Grrr. Am going to call up Acer and screw them over tomorrow.

Too lazy to drag my laptop to school to get it checked at the service centre; they'll probably make me bring it down to the Acer centre anyway. =.=; What should I do?

My CD-ROM drive is making funny noises. I don't think it likes burning Deathnote pr0n. Oh, well.

... she wrote at 08:31 p.m.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Poly's started - so far, so good. The girls in my class are all pleasant, but the males, as always, need a few more years in an incubator to catch up. Hmm. Not to say my class is bad - everyone's pretty friendly and there's a good mix of extroverts and introverts so it's none of that fake rah-rah trash. Thank goodness.

You could say I'm quite happy. Classes haven't started in earnest, so I'm making full use of my break-filled timetable and early dismissals. Fridays are the best - two non-core modules, and only four hours of school. >DDD

I have a laptop now, it's an Acer in the TravelMate 3000 series. I can access the internet from school and WiFi hotspots like McDonalds with it, but not from home yet. =( Ah well. Figures, since I have a desktop for internet access at home anyway. I need to get firewalls and whatnot setup before I start accessing this blog from public places though. ^.~ Then there will be NO STOPPING MEH.

Christine: He's coming down from around 6-8 June. You ought to check his blog for the details, I suppose. I just get word from the more rabid Gaiman fans in my circle.

... she wrote at 10:26 p.m.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Got my hair cut and styled yesterday. Ureshii~ X3 I have bangs again! Hee, I look younger with this hair cut. <33

Went back to NTSS for Commendation Day today, to get my award. Very simple ceremony - I was expecting performances, but there was only prize presentation. =P Oh well. Got a cash voucher - a rather pathetic one - but I'll put it aside first. *saves up*

Wondering whether I should go for Street Fest - it's too close to Cosfest (another large costume project), and I don't want to compromise on costume quality. Hn.

School starts in three days. *headdesk* Where have my holidays gone?!

... she wrote at 01:41 p.m.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Freshly-updated, and More Art Than You Can Shake A Stick At:

3 o'clock teatime

I HAVE A NEW SCANNER. And there is much rejoicing throughout the land.

... she wrote at 11:15 p.m.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Watching:
Speedgrapher
Basilik
Sousei no Aquarion

These go on the top of my favourite anime list. All highly recommended. I'm planning on catching up on GSD, as I heard there's some (well, a LOT) of Shinn/Stellar and erm. XD Sounds interesting.

Did up a Death picture in watercolours - it looks pretty good. All I need is some white poster paint to do the highlights. Hmm.

On a more serious note, I've gotten my handphone confiscated by my mother. Basically my brother pissed her off by not bringing his phone to school (on a CCA day), so when she tried to call me, and I didn't pick up fast enough, she went bloody psycho, and screamed that it was useless for me to carry a handphone if I wasn't going to answer it. It's pretty much a case of bad coincidences (as always) - so if you all need to contact me, just call my house phone since I'm grounded anyway. No one ever contacts me on my handphone, so I don't see much of a problem. I'm just worried that when aniki tries to contact me when he's back from Japan, he won't be able to reach me. Think she'll return it to me when school starts, which is in a week's time. Heh.

... she wrote at 10:20 a.m.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Finished watching Ghost in the Shell (the first movie). My brain is going to fall out, again.

Neil Gaiman is coming to Singapore, I heard. Wow. o.O; I don't know what to bring for him to sign. Maybe I'll take "Brief Lives", because it had the biggest impact on me. Or "The Doll's House", because that's still my favourite so far. Hn.

We have a DVD-RW drive now. It's external (bloody stupid if you ask me) but I'm not the one who bought (or even /asked/) for it, so I guess it's okay. -_o I can get koi to burn all sorts of awesome series, and I'll get down to catching up on anime.

I haven't opened my letter box for the past three days, I just realised. =X

Hueijing: Sure! Or do you want to wait for Adeline to get back?

Christine: ZOMG! It's you! *GLOMPS* You moved your blog again? LOL

... she wrote at 12:22 a.m.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

My father has been bugging me non-stop about forking out my share of the Mother's Day gift. (An Osim iPamper massager.) I don't know why I even opened my mouth. Just because I worked during the holidays, doesn't mean I have a lot of cash to throw around. I have to pay for my own transport (adult fare isn't bleeding cheap), food, and new clothes for the polytechnic. I'll even have to pay for the replacement for my scanner myself, at the rate he's avoiding the issue.

Now I have to pay for half of it. Fuck. Am not going to withdraw more than fifty. If I have zero in my account balance, it'll just be like old times, before I got a savings account.

Am very angry - I need to do more commission work, in order to make up for ths.

Sitting around the house alone - they all went out for dinner. And my mother's not even back yet. I hate eating dinner out with when my mother's not around. I have to listen to endless sermons, and his self-righteous spiel, because only my mother can tell him to shut up and eat.

I'm angry because I was born without the right bits. You know. Sometimes I think that if I wasn't a girl, less of these things would happen to me. Being screamed at for not doing enough housework. Not looking after my brother well enough.

No matter how good I am at studies, or however "talented" I am at my art; no matter that I read ten times as much as my brother (he hardly reads at all), or that he's only good at gaming in front of the computer, in the end, I know who's favoured more. Because I'm the eldest, I have to suck it up, and take care of "him and the house".

Because our surname is so rare and "precious", and my father is the only one in the family who got married and had children, everyone's counting on my poor brother to carry it on. They shelter him and coddle him to death, and of course, I'm always the second option.

But it's okay.

That's just the way it is.

... she wrote at 08:01 p.m.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Tidied up the page, archived, and made a new layout.

And life goes on.

... she wrote at 02:46 p.m.